Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Look for Love

Yesterday was my seven year wedding anniversary.


It blows my mind that I am old enough to have been married for seven years.

As often happens when anniversaries come around, I spent most of yesterday reflecting on what led me to today...marveling at all the memories we've accumulated: joyful ones, sad ones, ugly ones, mundane ones, funny ones...you know...all types...it's a package deal.

This morning, I was awoken by our sweet son, who was crying. I got up, made him a bottle in the dark dawn, and soothed him back to sleep. No sooner had my head touched my own pillow than I was hit with an intense, unpleasant heartburn (it might be helpful to note that I am eight months pregnant). I mean, seriously, folks...OUCH. I could barely breathe, and could barely move.
I whispered, "Sean?"
He groggily murmured a response.
"I'm so sorry to ask you, but I need a favor. I need my purse (where the antacids were), and a drink."
"Weren't you just up?" he asked. But, even as he asked, he was getting up. He shuffled around, got what I needed, brought them to me, and went back to sleep.

Now, this wasn't a grand, sweeping, romantic gesture...but it was, without a doubt, an act of service that showed me love.

Love is and can be all those things they seem to shove into holiday commercials this time of year to make lonely people feel lonelier, and people with someone feel like they'll be content, or even closer if only they get this one more thing. Love is courtship, romance, surprises, gifts, thoughtful actions, and so much more...but I find myself grateful today the most for subtle love...steady love. Sometimes, you just have to remember to look for it.

I remember, before we were dating...on the road trip that My Love claims started it all...we stopped to get food at a Waffle House. A seasoned road warrior I was, but I know I was looking rough. I can't remember how long we had been driving at that point, but you can only be stuck in a car so long before you start to feel a little stale. Have you ever been to a Waffle House? I'm not hating on them, but everything is so...fluorescent...and yellow. [Random tidbit: they actually make them that way on purpose! I'm not sure why, but they do. They built a brand new Waffle House down the road from our first apartment. When it was completed, it looked like it had been there for 30 years! But, I digress.] My face was broken out, I was disheveled and tired...and I remember being self-conscious...worried that this person I didn't know very well would see me, not at my best, and judge or reject me. As my eyes met his in conversation, he just met my gaze. He listened to what I was saying. He wasn't cringing at my imperfections, or awkwardly trying to ignore them; I don't know quite how to explain it, but I just knew that he was looking at me, who I was, and not what I looked like at the time. We didn't even know that we liked each other yet, but that is a moment I won't forget.

I struggle with the concept of love and marriage that is sold today. I work with teenagers on a regular basis, and I fear the impact society's interpretation of love will have on them and their future relationships.
Love is finding someone who challenges you...whose strengths compliment your weaknesses and sharpen your strengths. It's making the decision daily to rediscover who they are becoming, and love that person where they are. It's knock-down-drag-out arguments that wreck you both...but it's also knowing that you're committed to putting the pieces back together together. It's struggling through hard, emotional times...being strong when you are tired of being strong...feeling safe enough to be weak when you have to be. It's pet-peeves: empty toilet paper rolls, a full trash can, laundry being dried again because it needs to be "fluffed" before it's folded, endless to do lists...
It's knowing that your story together is more than just boy-meets-girl, and they live happily ever after. Knowing that you're in this together, that you're working toward a better version of yourself, that you're helping them be a better version of themselves, that you're doing it because it reflects the love and commitment of Christ to His church...no pressure ;)
Love is so many, many, many things. After seven years, sometimes it's not as shiny and obvious as it was in the beginning...but shiny and obvious aren't always best.

I feel a little awkward posting this...but hopefully it will be encouraging to someone...even if it's just My Love. I'm grateful for the reminder that came this morning, in the shape of antacids and a drink...and am looking forward to many more years of learning different ways to love and serve one another. Here's to that!

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